Yearning For Sex With Your Ex

This has been a long and hard pandemic. With social isolation going on for months, it is not a surprise that many people are feeling lonely. Many people are not able to go out to bars, clubs or even go to work to try to find a potential sexual partner. The general population is having less sexual encounters this year than pretty much ever. This social isolation may lead to sexual nostalgia, missing of past relationships and those sexual experiences. The sexual nostalgia we feel may “restore positive self-perceptions in response to social threats or disconnection” (Muise et al., 2020).

New research conducted into this “sexual nostalgia” showed that people felt more nostalgia when unsatisfied in their current relationship or when they felt lonely. Those with lower sexual and relationship satisfaction were usually the ones who reported higher levels of sexual nostalgia. Unsurprisingly, those that were single also reported higher levels of sexual nostalgia. These result were show for Hetero and homosexual couples.

Also noted, was how attachment style can play a role as well. Those with avoidant attachment styles, usually linked to insecure relationships, felt sexual nostalgia regardless of their sexual or relationship satisfaction. However, those with low avoidance did feel more sexual nostalgia when they had low sexual or relationship satisfaction. It is thought that the sexual nostalgia in individuals with avoidant attachment styles may be due to the need to retain emotional distance from their partner.

While there may be some positive effects of sexual nostalgia, the bad seem to outweigh the good. The feelings of sexual nostalgia can erode the sexual and relationship satisfaction even more, in a kind of circular cycle ,which would ultimately damage their relationships, possible past the point of no return.

Original Article:
Publication: Muise, A., Kim, J. J., Debrot, A., Impett, E. A., & MacDonald, G. (2020). Sexual nostalgia as a response to unmet sexual and relational needs: The role of attachment avoidance. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 0146167220907468.

Add Your Comment